| | Week long classes are tough. They are so much work. I go to class 830-3. I work all day. I come home. Take about an hr break and then do homework all night until I go to bed. Hm. Lucky me. Really. I wish I was with my kids. They are better "classmates" any day. That's for sure. I keep telling myself though.. two more days then I'm REALLY a graduate. Wow. Can you believe it? I can't. And better yet.. two more days and I can go back to camp! Yay. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | If I could and I was ready I wish I could leave tomorrow. I'm starting to realize how much people don't respect one another or actually care for one another. I'm mad. I'm frustrated. I'm stressed. I'm sad. I guess that goes with doing something different and for so long. My mom told me not to let people stress me out. I have so much to do and so little time to get it done. I know that I have two weeks left but in those two weeks I will be putting on a couple shows. going to class, working, going to two Dr. appts., and, oh, did i mention packing?! I still have to make sure the cruise services company has all of my materials that I need to send in. I'm actually more nervous that I don't have time for my friends, but in the long run only a few seem to notice how limited my time is. It's moments like these that make me so inquisative about people in general. Maybe I'm being too hard on my friends. Whatever the case I'm leaving and who knows what I'll be doing next. I suppose that is part of the fun of it all... I don't have to know and I never have to explain myself for the choices I make. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | sail away.. | | Time: | 10:54 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/thoughtful.gif) contemplative |
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| Well, here goes.. I got the job. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm happy. I'm completely overwhelmed. I surely wasn't ready for such a quick turnaround. I guess you could say I wasn't even ready for the job itself. It came on so fast. Can I handle it? It's such a big jump from what I'm used to. At the same time it's what I've always dreamed of doing; not necessarily the cruise ship, but something like it and its turned out to be such a good thing.
I get the mixed reviews of course. Some people think its cool and others kind of grunt about it. Honestly, I'm sick of people expecting things out of me. I want to be who I am and not who people think I am. I want to jump at opportunities and do different things. Yeah, of course I'm scared. Of course I think it sucks to whomever will be my roommate. Of course I think that maybe, just maybe I'm making a terrible decision. So be it. I'm still doing it. For me and no one else.
Bon Voyage in 22 days... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So many things are going well in my life. So many. I'm happy. I love being happy. I'm working a lot, but I suppose I have to eventually get used to working longer hours anyway. I don't like working, but then again who does. I might as well enjoy what I do for work since it's what I have to do for most of each day. I do love camp. Even though this new group is going to be really tough. I'm ready to give it a go. I have to crack the whip now too and I will, oh, will I.
As for the social part of my life.. I'm hanging out with key individuals who matter and make me happy. I am being crafty, getting out more, going to the movies [even though its wicked expensive] and still doing things that I love. I suppose everything else will come in time but its working for me. The money is nice. I need to stop buying so much at aero though. That's what is killing me most. Part of me is thinking that I should put a check in my savings, yet at the same time I feel as if I will be wicked poor. Maybe I'll cash a check and hide it in my room, therefore I won't be spending some at Aero and will have more money in my checking account at one time. I'm definitely living the poor man's life in the money regard.
Overall life is wonderful. I have a lot going for me. I even have my second cruise interview tomorrow! AH. Can we say exciting?! I can! I'm really hoping that this works out so I can finally do what I really want to do or what I have always dreamed of. I haven't dreamed of working on a cruise ship, but I have imagined traveling and working with kids and loving every minute of it. Who knows maybe I'll run with opportunities like these. I mean, really, what do I have to lose? What do I have to go home to? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | My body is tired. I feel old. I want to be able to do more, but my muscles ache from all that I do or the too much that I do in one day. Work hasn't stressed me out nearly as much anymore. I do wish that I could enjoy some time off, but it is not always possible with everything that I try to fit in. When I finally get some time to myself I miss my friends and want to spend time with them but at the same time I'm exhausted. It's such an unfair battle. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| hm. livejournal. why oh why? honestly. I need to. But I dont want to be the typical writing in the livejournal thing where it's boring or depressing. I just need to write stuff down.. get some feelings out. It's funny how real feelings become once they have been written down. Funny or not it's true. Writing for me is such a good thing to do too and I dont do it nearly enough.
I feel unfulfilled. I feel scared. I feel like I haven't lived enough. I dont even feel overall happy with myself. I feel torn between friends. I feel like I dont know who I want to be anymore. I'm caught. I go crazy and get yelled at. I stay calm and I feel unlike myself; I feel nervous and uncomfortable.
I miss being close with people. I miss having time to hang out with people and do things that I enjoy with people I love. But I also hate the distance that keeps me from some people. The distance and work schedules are trapping me. But really, I need to find a routine here. I need to find people to spend time with. My biggest struggle is hanging out with people I trust and dont trust. That puts me in a tough situation cuz I dont know who to be in front of this crowd. I hate that.
I hate negative history too. I had the judgments when I've changed, or two people have changed. I get defensive and defensive means feisty. I feel like I get picked on so I crack the whip hard core and become this person who isn't as well liked. I know what I'm working with but honestly being defensive is being scared. I wish people saw that. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So, I haven't written in forever, which is a total lie, but what I'm not lying about is the fact that I have not written in here in quite some time. I am not exactly sure why I haven't but I've thoroughly missed writing in more ways than I can state. I guess you can say that I have had a huge writers block. It's true. I haven't even been able to sit down and write poetry and that just slowly eats away at me. People have told me that I just need to be out there again to write my poetry -- little do they know. Little does anyone know. I'm just not in the mood. Nothing is coming. Until I wrote for the school newspaper just last week! The paper came out on Monday and I haven't heard too much about my writing, which does upset me but I'm trying not to let it get to me. I have also sent my article to two people and neither one said a thing. I'm sorry but what a terrible friend you are. Most importantly, how terrible of me to judge. It's always nice to have the feedback but you're not always going to get it.
Well, I suppose that is all I have for another 6 months. Who knows maybe I'll get to writing again, and maybe I won't. That is the beauty of it all... no one will ever know. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Location: | danvers, ma | | Time: | 12:28 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/groggy.gif) drunk |
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| i am living the life. literally. ooh aah. be jealous, thanks!
maine tomorrow and this time i'm excited!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I'm over it.. but I never will be.
I just accept defeat, I guess.
I'll find someone worth loving
someone who loves me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Location: | Danvers, MA | | Time: | 11:15 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/sleepy.gif) sleepy |
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| | well, it's summer and it doesn't feel like summer. It's been cold. go figure right? yeah. just my luck. boo. haha. but it's been fun so far. no complaints at all. I just don't want to start working yet though even though I need the money more than I have ever needed it before.. so tomorrow I think I'm going job hunting. I heard that the daycare needs some people.. therefore I might go try that. I just want to be able to enjoy summer still and I'm afraid that I won't be able to. I guess I should go into it with an opened mind. I may even like it. Who knows. Whatever the case I need a job and I need one soon & fast! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| never did i think i had to wait this long for something so important.
wow.
don't i deserve better than this?
well, don't i?
then why don't i allow myself to?
i'm cruelest to myself.
my friends aren't even this cruel to me..
and they're my friends
it's expected.
i mean not my true friends
because they love me with their whole heart.
i am meaning my "friends"
those people who look at you and smile
but have hate in their heart for you instead.
those bastards.
but this isn't about them.
this is about me
and what i deserve
and what i do to myself.
the biggest problem is
trying to realize that i do deserve better
and i will find better
because well, i am better. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 10:37 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/blah.gif) blah |
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| | may semester is a huge joke. like class is a joke. 3 hours a day of movie watching and bible reading, get real. let's see how tomorrow's test goes.. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | i wrote him a two page letter. this time i gave it to him. i hand delivered it to him. my pits were sweating. i was scared. but i called him up.. gave him the letter and left. i feel fine. i felt great afterwards. i'm just nervous, but not nearly as nervous as I have been before. It's a good nervous.. the type that will get me somewhere in the end. Two things could happen. No matter what, I'll be fine. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Classes are done. Projects.. NOT DONE. ohhh pooey. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Lonestar -- Mountains | | Current Location: | Standish, ME | | Time: | 07:02 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/gloomy.gif) numb |
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| Oh, happy May! Let's discuss how it started.. fine morning.. i ran a little late.. no big, right? It's fine. 3 minutes later than I wanted, cool though. I had to teach my last lesson and get observed. It SUCKED. That's how I can sum it up, but to shorthand the entire story. Here I go..
I fainted.
I didn't finish.
My class took a walk.
I slept in the nurses office.
I came home entirely unproductive.
Yeah, I just don't know. Maybe I'm driving myself nuts. WHO KNOWS. So, now I'm wondering when it'll all get so much better. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | I loved every minute of it & I know in 11 days it's going to be the one thing that I miss the most about being in Maine. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Blackhawk -- Every Once in a While | | Time: | 09:52 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/tired.gif) tired |
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| I'm making some changes in my life and they are making me very happy.
I was actually excited to come back to maine today. sitting on my front porch all day, basically, made my life.
plus i had a lovely visitor which makes life awesomer.
although i can't wait til summer. i can't wait 'til i can be home for good.
I often wonder how much you think about me if you even think of me at all. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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